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let’s take our time and enjoy life.

call me cort! I write exclusively character x reader stories.

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officiallytheduchess ➺ cardeneiv

in the future:

incubus phenomenon; sleep paralysis demon x reader | oneshot

gypsum down the lane; vampire x reader | oneshot

decoy mechanism; aquatic monster x reader | oneshot

currently:

blood catalase; vampire x reader | oneshot | ao3

volte-face; vash x plant!engineer reader | masterlist

tags: .01 personal | .02 writing | .03 fandom | .04 aesthetic | .05 fashion | .06 asks | .07 work | iv has friends | iv writes | clamp the iv (queue)

i automatically block blank blogs, as well as minors who do not heed “dni” labels

sometimes I’m really stupid and I sit around and think “why are my back camera selfies so ugly? : (” and it destroys my good vibes despite the fact that I literally had an anesthesiologist tell me I’m one of the coolest ppl they’ve ever met and I’m a protected, very beloved creature in my friend group and amongst my coworkers of nurses and docs

really puts in perspective that I’d rather be off the rails fucking bonkers than hot

but I’m both, so it’s fine

“why are your eyes always so red? are you high??”

nah, man. sunscreen got in my eyes💀💀

Have you ever thought about writing something about like, Frankenstein's monster? Like a book-accurate one? I just finished rereading the book for the first time since college and hot damn do I want to dick down that crime against god and nature.

oh, friend, you have no fucking idea how much I want to do something like that. my existence and brain is a crime against God and nature, and this is right up my alley. I thought about going all out with mc being a complete human abomination and taking the role of dr. frankenstein in it. that type of story would be an example of where I’d go balls to the wall fucked up tho lmao

but ty for asking bc I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently 💀💀💀

cardeneiv:

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vampire x reader one-shot | mdni!

word count;; 16.1k, dividers included to break it up.

story synopsis;; you’re a crime scene cleaner who happens across an advertisement for a mansion housekeeper in exchange for room and board. it’s close to work, close to your university, and an easy job. the ultimate package. right away, you notice the owner’s beauty as well as his eccentricities, but decide to commit to it. the spiral into depravity and debauchery begins when you’re tasked with cleaning the site of a savage murder, solidifying you as a irreplaceable treasure.

story warnings;; dead dove: do not eat. graphic depictions of violence + body gore + horror. murder. manipulation. extreme dubcon. explicit noncon. blood play. cigarette burns. wounds inflicted on mc. hypnosis. obsessive + possessive behaviors. implied stalking. overstimulation. extreme sexual sadism + implied masochism. gun violence. brief religious themes. heavy exploration of morality. unreliable narration. prose heavy. vampires are actual monsters. the entire story is an allegory, please reference author’s note at end.

do not dismiss any of these warnings. there is no part of this one-shot that is sfw, it is intense from beginning until end. the occurrences in this story are not indicative of my personal viewpoints. mdni under any circumstances!

thank you, @ceruleansol for your excellent proofreading! I’m looking forward to working with you on other projects!

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Another internet search bore fruit.

The image bouncing back at you from your phone had been hastily taken with a tremble in your hand, all the while launching a few too many cautious looks across your shoulder to either end of the dim, long hallway making up part of the second floor. There wasn’t any particular rationale for your apprehension and busy eyes but the belief the mansion owner wouldn’t be too pleased to see you taking pictures of his valuables rather than cleaning them.

That fear hadn’t stopped you from reverse image searching a good couple of curiosities over the widening gap of time you had been living there. Tonight was a chalmette table vase displayed on a pedestal in the hall; brassy gold gilding cradled a somewhat drab white bloom that reached high and sprouted open to a hollow inside. Similar surviving articles went for thousands. You totaled the prices of everything so far as enough to outright buy a house on the more modest side of town.

There was a daring thought that loomed in the back of your mind, an ugly little thing that told you one or two missing antiques wasn’t any big deal. He wouldn’t miss them, let alone even notice they were gone, because he was the strangest man you had ever met.

Four months ago, he had only ever introduced himself by the name Montague, letting an anticipatory stillness hang in the air while you waited for him to finish. He never did, handsome features lifting as his dark eyes thinned and smile inched higher. He had you in a tight handshake.

“I enjoyed reading the resume you sent in with your response to my advertisement.” He had traces of an accent intact but had cleverly adapted to one more common to the area. “You’re the first person I’ve come across wanting the room who’s done that. It really stood out to me. A crime scene cleaner? Must be a difficult job.”

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Keep reading

and I don’t know why I’m suddenly thinking of this, but, don’t be hard on yourself. I pride myself in being fairly good at reading people and being able to pick out folks who tend to stay in my life long-term. this stands true, but sometimes I think about the only time I was ever tricked by a narcissist (a true one, not a person with bad character qualities we throw the label on) bc his ability to play a long masking game was fucking nuts

anyway, he was batshit and I’m still mad at myself that someone like that flew under my radar

cardeneiv:

I ate a massive burrito and two huge cups of iced coffee and now I am suffering bc of my own hubris. I feel like I need to take a 6mi walk but it is just entirely too hot outside

I lied. I’m rolling my eyes and sighing and getting back out of bed and slathering on sunscreen and getting ice water and putting on airy clothes and getting ready for a long walk

bc I am a cog in the machine of society where I’m stricken with the disease of “I’d rather be productive when i need rest instead”

so, off we go 😮‍💨

I ate a massive burrito and two huge cups of iced coffee and now I am suffering bc of my own hubris. I feel like I need to take a 6mi walk but it is just entirely too hot outside

moonblued:

detail / valentino spring17 couture

anyway, hoping to get a good start on sleep paralysis demon oneshot today after getting like 12hrs of sleep. I anticipate I’ll be awake most of the night so ayyyy 🥂

cardeneiv:

wait until I get around to researching biblically accurate angels and decide that that’s what needs to be fucked next

like, absolutely unfathomable, horrific in ways you can’t explain yet breathtakingly beautiful at the same time with a mighty need to fuck that.

wait until I get around to researching biblically accurate angels and decide that that’s what needs to be fucked next

do I feel bad about aggressively reblogging my own stuff? absolutely not bc I thrive in the delusion that my work deserves to be seen. so does everyone else’s work tbh. I say just be annoying like me and do it

Ok this is coming from a guy who gets high regularly (im high rn LOL) usually - and depending on weed strength - you feel really relaxed, and happy, and youve got a tendency to laugh or be sillier. Personally i usually just veg out in bed and let my body relax. I get super hungry tho and such bad drymouth, so im usualy eating my little heart out too. Its a lot like when you stay up too late in the early hours if that makes ang sense? You can call me Buzz btw if tou have any other questions im happy to answer 👍

Thanks for responding to that post, Buzz! It seems like a lot of the sensations, feelings, ect associated with being high seem pretty similar, so I suppose that’s good in terms of predictability 💀. I’m wondering if my experiences would’ve been different if I had smoked or had, idk, weed brownies as opposed to a concentrate of THC in my tea sidjwjdbahsbs

Oh, important context (neuroscience person with the 2 sleep paralysis experiences): I don't think I had any unusual life stresses at the time, but I have an anxiety disorder so my stress level sits very high by default. I was in college at the time, so was probably normal levels of college-senior-with-anxiety stressed. I also tend to sleep curled on my side, but I think I was on my back the 2nd time. I also have been in therapy a long time, which is part of what made me so good at identifying dreams and waking myself up (bc she would have me ID distressing/intrusive thoughts and pay attention to how valid/rational/useful they are, and I would dismiss them if they weren't, and that repetitive thought pattern just kinda naturally translated to my dreams)

Thank you for taking the time to send me your experiences with sleep paralysis! It’s interesting to hear it from the perspective of someone in neuroscience! The context you left me in your second response here is also helpful. I appreciate your time🩷

I've had sleep paralysis twice, but it was surprisingly not a horrible experience? Uncomfortable, but not awful. Important context though, I work in neuroscience, so I'm pretty familiar with the science behind it and I think that helped me stay calm.

The first time I was still mostly asleep, and I was having a very vivid dream about sitting at my desk and reading my discord messages. I realized I was dreaming and that I wasn't getting enough air, and tried to wake myself up fully but I couldn't move (I'm usually able to wiggle my toes and wake myself up from dreams). I then realized the suffocating feeling was probably sleep paralysis and that the suffocating feeling, while uncomfortable, would not kill me. Then I calmed down enough to go back to sleep. I woke up a little while later with no complications. I think this time might have been during a very long nap, but I'm not sure?

The second time I was more awake, though I remember less of it. I just know I woke up and couldn't really move or breathe at first, and then did a similar "this is sleep paralysis, my body isn't dying" and waited it out until I could start wiggling my toes and waking up fully. I was a little surprised I wasn't hallucinating anything, given how awake I was at the time? This one was following a full sleep, and I found out that morning that sleep paralysis apparently runs in my family

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VIT